Disorder
by Tamako-Chama
Summary: Hamel Mental Hospital. A place hidden in the deep dark part of the town. Where no one can see it. A place to isolate the 'broken' humans. A place where people meet. 7th ward. The ward of El. El the doctor. El's gang.
1. Chapter 1

For this story I did A LOT of research so all the disorders would be at least a little like a real person that's sick. Due to a person of my family being a psychotherapist I do have a lot of books about psychology at home. And there is the internet too. Oh and Ara's case is inspired from the famous case of Chris Costner Sizemore (Or known as Eve). I was reading in a book about basic psychology about her case and I remembered Ara and like that this story was made. There is a movie and a book about that case called 'The Three Faces of Eve'.

More about everyone's disorders will be understood in chapters and will be explained.

Again I leave all classes except Chung and Ara's (DC and YR) to the imagination of you readers!

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Ara arrived. The big gates opened. She was now in the 'hospital'. They said it's what's best for her. They said she would like it there. They said she had Dissociative Personality Disorder – also called Multiple Personality Disorder. They called Eun a disorder. They said she had something wrong with her. So her family made her go to the hospital. She was scared. She thought all kinds of bad people would be there. She had a weak personality. Eun on the other hand was strong, bold and she wasn't afraid to show her opinion. Sometimes she was violent. Actually Ara never remembered anything about Eun. But people told her what Eun did and said. They told her she has one more personality that has emerged only once. Asura Devanam. She was the perfect personality. Ara didn't remember her too. But she heard Asura Devanam is ladylike, calm, nice and collected. The qualities Ara and Eun miss. The therapists called Ara the main personality. But sometimes she wondered why is she called main. Since she was the worst out of them. Sometimes she was thinking that it might all be better if she can disappear and leave the body to the better personalities. She walked in slowly. She was in the sleeping premises for the females. The blond haired nurse walked in front of her showing her one bed.

"Hello. My name is Ariel. I'm the head nurse and I will be leading your group therapy sessions. If you feel bad or weird come and share with me. This here will be your bed. Do you have any questions?"

"Book… Can I get a book?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Why?"

"Patients are not allowed to use paper."

"Oh."

"Is there anything else you need?"

"No…"

"Then here you go." She gave her something white and soft.

"What is this?"

"It's your new clothes. Please undress and leave your clothes in here. And please put in here all your belongings. We will store them in a locker so you don't have to worry about them." She pointed to something like a basket and took out a smaller one for her to put her things in. Ara took out her phone and out it in. The nurse was smiling. It looked fake. But of course Ara didn't expect real smiles. They were just staff. Ara was just her work.

After Ara put in her things. Then Ariel left the room and she slowly took off her clothes. She put on the white shirt and she buttoned it up. It was a little oversized and the sleeves were longer than her hands and it went down almost to her knee. But she didn't mind it. She liked wearing oversized clothes. The pants were long too. They trailed on the ground behind her when she went to the door.

"I'm ready…" She said and the nurse Ariel came in.

"Oh you look good!"

"Is there a mirror I can see myself in?"

"Patients aren't allowed to use mirrors. It's for their own good."

"Oh…" More and more things forbidden for the 'patients' were piling up.

"We have lunch in half an hour. Then we have group therapy. Now it's free time. You can go to the other patients and have a talk." Ara got out of the big metal door and the nurse locked it behind her. She showed her to the place were everyone of the ward were. "I am going now. Please don't hesitate to search for me when you feel like you need it." She left. Ara was looking at the people. There were a few that caught her attention with interesting hair colors. What she noticed was that they didn't look very sociable. All of them seemed busy doing what they do in their own world not bothering to even look at her. She was invisible to them. Like how she was in the 'outside'. She felt sad. At first she thought that maybe here she would find people similar to her and they might get close. Of course she couldn't even talk properly to strangers so it was a weird thought from the start. She looked at the chairs. They were made of rubber. She sat on one. But someone noticed her. A boy walked to her and sat on a chair near her.

"Hello." He greeted. "You're the new patient right?" She blushed. If it was a girl maybe she would be able to talk. But she just looked down and was extreamly nervous. She just managed to get one word from her mouth.

"Y-Yes."

"So Ara Haan. I heard your name from the nurse. I'm Elsword. You see… I'm the best here in this ward. Or no. In the hospital. You see I'm also smart. I placed first on a lot of things. You see you're standing in front of a great person. I know a lot about this ward too. Want to hear?" She nodded.

"Well about me I'm considered having a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm an Elitist type of narcissist they say. I was the first patient in this ward. I don't even know why I'm hospitalized. My parents sent me here. I don't think I'm sick. I think I'm perfectly normal. But I guess no one else thinks like this. That there is Aisha." He pointed a purple haired short girl. "She really annoys me. She suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. Bureaucratic type. The red haired girl - Elesis has an Obdurate subtype of Paranoid Personality Disorder. The green haired girl is Rena and she has Self-destructive subtype of Borderline Personality Disorder. That guy Aren" He pointed to a male that strangely looked like her. "He has Oppositional Defiant Disorder." He continued saying the names and the disorder of people while pointing them. "Eve – Schizoid Personality Disorder, Raven – Depersonalization Disorder, Ciel – Self-defeating Personality Disorder, Lu – Dependent Personality Disorder and Add – Sadistic Personality Disorder. This is us. The 'sick'. Maybe you can come talk with us. My group is Aisha, Rena and Raven. Maybe you can join us."

"Sure…" She didn't realize how but she started feeling a little at ease talking. He looked normal. "So ten people except me in the ward…"

"Oh no we're twelve with you. I forgot. I usually forget him. We all do sometimes. Chung Seiker. Suffering from Schizotypal Personality Disorder. He's very anti-social. Even if you try talking to him he'll probably just go away. He's just like that. You can just ignore him. You'll get used." She looked at him. He was interesting her. She wanted to talk to him. His head was down. She couldn't see his face very well. But it was handsome. And all the outher parts of him. He had blond hair that had dark ends on two places. It looked like animal ears. She wanted to talk to him very badly. His looks dragged her to him. Also something else. She felt good looking at him. At ease. He had a nice feeling around him. She wanted to approach him. She went close to the chair he was sitting in. Ignore him? No. That should never be done to anyone. She closed her eyes and started talking.

"H-Hello! M-My name is A-Ara H-Haan! N-Nice to meet you! I-I want to get t-to know y-you! Y-You seem i-interesting." She stuttered. No response. She opened her eyes. He was away. He moved his chair. She came close to him again and just looked at him. She looked at his eyes. They were deep blue.

"Blue… it's pretty…" She said silently and came in her own world while looking at him and she sat on the floor. She felt good around him. Ara was sure he was a very good and nice person inside. She looked and looked. It was just like that. She couldn't avert her eyes. How people avoided him… it made her sad. She wanted to be near him. She got closer and touched his hand. He moved away slightly but her fingers were still touching his. Ara felt like if she moved her fingers she would feel emptiness. This feeling she never got before was the best she ever had. She touched more of his hand. He pulled it away. There really was emptiness.

"Please… don't touch me…" He said. His voice was beautiful. In the same time gentle and manly. It was calm and nice. A sound she wanted to hear again. She wanted to see more of him. She felt like she's very weird. Having all these feelings for a stranger. But she couldn't help it. He just drew her in.


	2. Chapter 2

Suddenly all the patients gathered in the centre of the big room. The nurse came. Only Chung didn't move.

"W-What's happening?" She asked him. No response. Then she went to Elsword.

"Group therapy. We have them every week."

"O-Oh… W-What exactly i-is it?"

"We get in a circle and talk about what happened in our stupid, boring lives. Or our 'emotions', 'dreams', 'recovery' – the words they like to use." This explanation was not enough for her to understand but she tried doing what the others do. She sat on one of the free chairs in the small circle. Next to her was a purple haired girl and a green haired woman. She remembered the girl's name only. Aisha. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She couldn't remember about the other. A few minutes passed. There was a long silence. Then the nurse talked.

"Chung… aren't you going to come here?" He looked away from the circle. "Please Chung."

"No." Escaped his lips.

"Alright… then…" She looked like she's wondering what to do. "Then… Just come here! Now! Don't make me wait!" She screamed at him ruining her 'nice' mask. Ara looked in surprise at the sudden outburst. She looked at the faces of the others too. None of them seemed to notice. Again it looked like they were in their own dream world.

Chung took his chair and dragged it to where all the others were. He put it outside the circle.

"Put it in the circle." He didn't react. She let out a long sight and smiled again.

"Alright then group! Let's start. First… Ara. Introduce yourself."

"I-I'm Ara."

"That's all?" She nodded.

"Oh… not another anti-social! That guy there is enough!" Said a white haired man.

"Shush." Said the woman next to him with an emotionless face.

"Ara tell us a little more…"

"Yeah. Tell us your disorder!"

"Add!" Scolded him the nurse.

"Come on. We're all sick. Every single one of us is sick. Disorders, Illnesses…"

"Please Add. Let's continue. Ara… anything you have to say?" Ariel tried to make him shut up again.

"Even you, dear nurse."

"Is there anything on your mind?" She tried ignoring him.

"You feel like smacking me don't you?" He laughed.

"Violence is not allowed here!"

"You want to hit me hard don't you? Maybe you're the same. A sadist. A dirty, dirty minded sadist."

"Ara… say something." She said in an almost pleading manner. He started raising his voice.

"Come on! Show me! I want to see your dark side! You hate me don't you! You hate us all! You despise us!" She didn't say anything this time. "Don't you?" He added in a normal tone.

"We will continue tomorrow!" She stood up and left. He just laughed. The people started separating the circle and forming their little groups again. He just stood and laughed. Ara felt slightly scared.

She was wondering where to go. Her mind always stopped on Chung. But she knew he didn't want her. He was alone again. She started wondering what was his first group session like. Did he say anything? She let out a small happy giggle at the thought. At least there was something good there. If you start laughing openly or screaming no one will think of you differently. After all they already know you're crazy. Ara walked to the biggest group – where Elsword was. The others were kind of weird. They looked normal. It was of course as normal as patients in a mental hospital can be.

Elsword was talking and the others were listening to him. She decided she doesn't want to stop the story – they all looked like it's interesting. Even that girl he said he doesn't get along with very well looked amazed by the story. Ara just sat near them. She started listening too. He was talking about his first piano lesson. _Piano?_ Ara wondered. He didn't look like a pianist to her. But never judge someone on how they look. She started listening more closely. Actually when she was very small she used to play the piano too. She smiled. Now there was something she can talk about with someone.

After some time the story ended. Then they all noticed her.

"Oh Ara! You got bored of our Chungy?"

"No…"

"He made you to go away?" She looked away.

"S-Something like that…"

"Well… don't think about it too much."

"Yes. He's just like that." Added the green haired woman.

"At the group therapy… because of Add we couldn't get to know you. So tell us about yourself." Aisha said.

"W-Well… I don't know where to start o-of…"

"Are you anti-social?" Said a voice behind her. She jumped a little in surprise. Whan Ara saw who it was she wanted to run away. Add.

"N-No…"

"She answered. Now go." Said Elsword.

"You're pretty Ara~." Ara just looked down and blushed.

"You… go away." Said Aisha.

"Well… you're ok too. I don't mind you…"

"Go." Said the black haired guy.

"Well… now… why did you take the new girl all to yourselves? I want to get to know her too."

"No." Said the green haired woman.

"Alright, alright. Bye… Rena." He leaned down and kissed her head. After he left to sit in a corner.

"Rena… are you alright?" Asked Aisha.

"Yes!"

"D-Does this happen often?" Ara asked.

"Well yes. I don't mind him. None of us does. Just get used to him." _Like I should ignore Chung,_ Ara thought.

"Anyway… Rena are you sure you're alright? I know you dislike him…" Rena started trembling.

"Of course I disliked it! I-It was g-gross! I hate that… killer! Murderer!" She looked at him with spite. All looked with an understanding in their eyes. Now Ara remembered. Borderline Personality Disorder. Mood swings.

"Calm down." Said Elsword.

"H-How? H-He touched me… with these filthy hands! I hate him! I hate him!" Tears started flowing from her eyes. She got up from her chair and threw it in his direction. He just smiled.

"I hate you! Die! Filth! Trash!" People came and dragged Rena away from the room.

"There is more to it." Said quietly Aisha. "That's not… just… insanity… there's more to it…" Then she went to pick up the chair and put it where it was. They continued their talk. Add was again standing in one place and smiling at his successes. Ara looked at them. She started wondering something.

"W-Where did they take her?" She asked. They looked at her and continued their talk ignoring her.

"W-What will happen to her…? W-When will she be b-back?" They avoided her questions. She got up and took her chair to the empty middle of the room. She gazed upon the people. None of them even looked at her when she was dragging that chair. None of them noticed the loud sound it made. None. Ara didn't move until they said it's dinner time. Not like anyone noticed.


	3. Chapter 3

After dinner it was bed time. They had to go to sleep. The females in one room, the males in another. Ara moved slowly to her bed. It was between the wall and the girl called "Eve". Ara turned to face Eve. Most girls already fell asleep but Eve was standing there with her eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Ara looked at her. She was pretty – like everyone there. Eve was the one that was inside her world the most. At least Ara saw it that way. Like Add and Chung, Eve was not a part of any of the small groups. Maybe Ara and she could become friends? Ara had to find at least one friend there. She tried with Elsword's group. It didn't seem like she would fit there. Or more like… she didn't like it. Honestly now when the day was over Ara realized that she was actually scared. She had no idea what any of the people there could do. Rena was so cheerful… Then suddenly… Ara knew it was wrong for her to say "they're crazy so I should stay away" – after all she was also no different. But she couldn't help the fear. But with fear came a little curiosity. Why did they become like that? She really wanted to ask around. But it would just be being bad to them. Ara felt awful at the group session when Add started asking about her. That's why she decided it's better if she keeps her curiosity to herself.

"Stop staring at me. It's creepy." Suddenly said Eve in a robotic voice. At first Ara was a bit surprised. It was the first time she heard Eve talk. Then she realized she had to turn away.

"I'm sorry…" Ara said awkwardly. She expected that now Eve would continue the conversation somehow. But she didn't. She just continued staring at the ceiling. Ara had to say something.

"So… You can't sleep?" Ara was ignored. Eve didn't even seem to hear what Ara said even though their beds were close. Ara repeated. Again no response. It was weird to repeat such a 'casual' question a third time so Ara stayed silent. And she understood that Eve just doesn't want to respond. She should just stop talking… Or should she? It's not like anyone will care. And Ara wanted to talk.

"You're a bit like Chung. Interesting. But doesn't want to talk to me." Ara laughed. "You're also beautiful - like him. And look smart like him. And cool like Chung… And-" Ara was cut off.

"Are you currently confessing love to Chung, me or both of us?" Eve's comment made Ara blush. But then her eyes started sparkling. Eve talked to her.

"Nope."

"Then what is it?"

"Nothing. Admiring you."

"I'm not Elsword."

"You mean that you're not a great person like him and don't deserve admiration? That's not true."

"No. I mean that I'm not a narcissist so saying you admire me won't satisfy me and make me your 'friend'. And he's just a liar. He's nothing of what he says."

"So I was deceived? Oh poor me." Ara laughed. Of course she knew that everything Elsword told her were just lies. But it brightened up the dark mood so why not hear them.

"You seem not to care."

"It's the first time I don't care about something. And actually my first conversation without stuttering."

"Oh."

"The mental hospital really changes you… Even if it's just a day."

"It really does." Eve said and closed her eyes. A few minutes passed and they didn't talk anymore. Then the big metal door to the sleeping premises opened. Rena walked in with some people behind her. She was looking down and the people walked her to her bed. Rena lay down and they left, closing the big door again. Ara started to fall asleep. Then she heard soft cries coming from Rena's bed. They continued until morning when they had to wake up. Ara listened. Not talking. Just listening.

Today was the first day Ara had to take her pills. They were supposed to suppress Eun. Now there will be only Ara. Maybe it will be a bit lonely? Who knows. But it was sure that they help. She wondered what would it be like if they didn't take their pills. Chung would be even more antisocial. She laughed at her thought.

After taking their pills they had free time. Ara walked in the big room. While they slept someone put all the chairs where they should be – not in groups. But with walking in everyone dragged their chair to make it how it was yesterday. Ara's was the only one left. She looked around. Then she started dragging it. Ara put it next to Chung's.

"H-Hi." Ara said. He moved away. But she was not giving up. She moved with him. They moved for ten minutes.

"Please leave me alone…"

"No."

"Why?"

"B-Because… you're interesting. I like you." Chung and Ara both blushed. "N-Not in that way… A friend way!"

"What should I do to make you leave?"

"S-Say you're my friend." Ara blushed again and looked away.

"I'm your friend."

"You gave in easier than I thought. I-I'm happy." She smiled.

"I don't find any importance in just words. What matters is the things you do. So saying I'm something will never make me that. Now go away." Ara stood up. Her happiness was no longer there. Never. He said never. She took her chair and sat down away from him. Never… Wait! He said it himself. Words mean nothing. Ara's smile returned to her face twice bigger. There was hope.

This time she dragged her chair to Eve.

"Eve! Hi!" Eve turned away.

"Eeeveee~"

"What?"

"Hi." Eve sighed.

"Hello."

"Eve, Eve, Eve!"

"How many times did you say my name just today?"

"Um… Four?"

"No. Five."

"Anyway! I have good news!"

"Do they concern me in any way?"

"Nope."

"Then leave me alone."

"Chung said he's my friend."

"Oh my. Congratulations." Eve said in a sarcastic voice. "Why aren't you with your friend?"

"I am with my friend."

"Oh. I can't see him near here."

"You are my other friend."

"Why didn't I hear you ask for permission to call me like that?"

"Because I want to call you like that. You're the first person I can freely to talk to."

"And I don't want to talk to you."

"But I do. And I'm sure you do to! Deep down!" Eve laughed.

"Under my disorder?"

"Inside your heart."

"There is blood inside my heart."

"The way you talk it seem like there is ice inside your heart." Ara laughed a little. Like that her day continued. For now everything was okay. She had two friends. Everything was fine. Even if they were in a mental hospital it was fun.


	4. Chapter 4

"Suffering for a disorder" – it was a thing Ara often heard while on the outside. What does it really mean to "suffer" from your disorder? Did she suffer? It was a thing she often thought about. And no matter how hard she thought she could not get an answer. That was another difference between her and Eun – Eun always had all the answers. Eun never hesitated or thought about something for a long time. She did what she felt was right. Ara wanted to be at least a little like that. But wasn't Eun her? That was confusing. Even though Eun was supposed to be a part of her she did not think of her like that. It was like a second person, distant like the stars. A person she'll never see. Sometimes just thinking of all the things Eun could do instead of her, all the things she could say, Ara wanted to just disappear and let Eun take over. But she tried to keep that desire in.

"Ara what are you thinking about now?" Asked Nurse Ariel – they were at a group session. "You can share anything."

"I… I think of Eun…"

"What about her?"

"I just think of the whole "Eun". Of the way she acts." If there was one good her short stay in the mental hospital did so far it was that her stuttering disappeared.

"Oh! I want to say what I'm thinking now!" Add said with another one of his weird grins.

"What is it?" The nurse asked with a big sigh.

"I think you look great in that short skirt." Ariel turned her back to him and ignored his comment. "It really shows your sexy legs." Here was it again. Add was going to ruin the session again. "It just needs a few more centimeters up then I'll finally see everything." No, no, no. She was getting mad. "You know, if you've started going like this why don't you just take off your skirt. I mean it's just a small piece of cloth. No one will actually notice it's finally gone." She regained her happy smile.

"Add I don't believe it is the time for comments on my wardrobe. It is what every nurse here wears. How about someone says something else?"

"I want to say something!" Rena said suddenly.

"What is it?" Ariel smiled at her.

"My feelings! Right now I'm so irritated at Add that I want to get up and throw my chair at him again. How do I deal with this Miss Ariel?"

"You should just calm down. Let his words pass through you without listening them. Ignore him. Isolate him from your world." Isolate. When that word was said Add shut his open mouth and just stared blankly at the wall in front of him for the rest of the session. For a second Ara felt pity for him. Just for a second.

After it was over they had free time again. She walked towards Chung. Even though a week has passed since her first day she was not a bit closer to him.

"Hey…" She said quietly as she sat down on the ground next to him. She didn't feel like bringing a chair. He knew it was no use to move his chair around. She started talking. It was like that every day – she talked to him and he just listened in silence. Or maybe he wasn't listening. Who knows.

"You should really start joining those group sessions. If I have to be honest I don't think they do me much good in terms of "recovery". But they entertain me. And finding entertainment here proved to be harden than I thought it would be." She laughed a bit and continued:

"Even though Add's mean remarks annoy everyone, I have fun listening to them. I wonder if it makes me a bad person too. Too… I wonder if Add really is bad. I wonder why is he bad. When I look at him for a longer time he usually seems so… lonely. Maybe it's just my imagination. Maybe he really is lonely. I want to try talking to him. But I am kind of scared. I am scared of what he will say about me. What if he actually presses all the "right" buttons and I do something like Rena did that time? I wonder if I'll get taken away like she was." Ara moved her eyes to look at Add who was sitting next to the wall across of her. "But still I want to try. I should probably go now while I still have the courage." She got up.

"Don't go." He said, almost whispering while grabbing her hand. He was strong. She couldn't move her hand at all. She turned around to him. She felt shocked. He talked to her. "He will hurt you. I know." Was he… worried? It was the first time she sensed something like an emotion from him.

"But at the end it is your own choice." He said as he let go of her arm and then looked away. Maybe it was finally working. Maybe he finally started feeling her closer. Ara felt overly happy. But she didn't know that the fact he feels her closer could be so hurtful later. Because she knew nothing about his disorder.

"I'm happy. I'm happy you finally talked to me. I started feeling you never will. And I'm happy you are worried about me. I really am. But I think I'll still do it. Because I'm curious. I know curiosity killed the cat but it has nine lives anyway. I'll be fine." She smiled.

"You're an idiot."

"Maybe."

Even though she said all these confident words just a few seconds ago she was awfully scared when she was finally near him. What was she supposed to say to start the conversation? What did she even want to talk to him about.

"Why are you here?" Add asked before she could think of a question.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Talk to me? Oh. Maybe you're addicted to the drugs they give you to calm down after you get angry and want me to anger you. Do they taste good for you? Do you enjoy them?"

"I have never tried them."

"So then? What is your objective? You must have an objective. You want something from me."

"I just want to talk."

"Talk. What do I have to talk about with a girl like you? A girl with two personalities. A girl who has no idea who she is. How about you take out that Eun girl. I heard she does what she likes. Maybe I could get something from her instead of an antisocial like you."

"I… I am not antisocial."

"Oh? Then why do you hang out with the king of staying out of fun?"

"Because he interests me…"

"So you "like" him?"

"It is not that kind of interest!"

"Oh really? So let's say he, right now kisses you what would you do? Push him away? No. You'll just go for the kiss. But in reality that would never happen. But still you don't care he won't ever talk to you. You don't care he'll just keep on ignoring you. You'll just surround yourself in illusions he might _sometime_ care. Let me tell you something. If you were on a crashing plane with him and there were two parachutes he would take them both and jump. He would just leave you to die. Because he cannot care about someone else." Ara looked down for a while. Maybe this was the time she gave up on getting to know Add. The time she gave up on getting to know everyone. But she didn't feel like it. Even though Add was mean it felt somehow different from his usual meanness. She didn't know why.

"If… If that happens I would be happy he's saved. It's not like there is much worth in my life anyway. Crashing would at least be a bit fun." Ara got up. "I still think I want to be friends with everyone here. Including you." She went back to Chung's far away corner and hid behind his chair, facing the wall. No one could see her there. She started crying. Even though she acted strong, even though she didn't want to give up it just… hurt. But the truth always hurts.


End file.
